Thus it was that I found myself seated the other day at a table outside a neighborhood StarBucks in conversation with a pleasant-mannered individual dressed in a well-cut two-piece suit in a good quality, charcoal gray worsted, and with a plain white shirt and a black and white polka-dot tie. His manner was charming, his features pleasant, and his complexion not, as I'd expected--dark as the event horizon of a black hole--but somewhere between olive and white.
The weather was cool, and I was glad to have worn a full-length overcoat together with a hat and scarf and to have a mega-sized mug of Starbucks' regular grind around which to warm my hands. Satan, however, seemed oblivious to the cold and indeed radiated a perceptible warmth of which I was only too glad.
After the usual civilities, including a handshake from which I learned that Satan's hand, though warm, was by no means blistering hot, I began the interview by asking the Master of Evil if he would outline his plan for humanity.
Satan:
The ultimate objective, obviously, is to render mankind happy. But to that end there are many obstacles that we work tirelessly to eliminate.CanSpeccy:
But I thought the whole point of Hell was to inflict eternal pain and misery on those consigned to your dominion.Satan:
Well, my dear Speccy, you have simply fallen for the propaganda of the opposition. Of course God constantly bad-mouths me and my cozy homeland, but quite contrary to your belief, everyone in Hell has the opportunity for eternal gratification in every way that humanity can imagine and some that those still Earth-bound cannot imagine.CanSpeccy:
But how can limitless gratification of human desire lead to universal happiness when greed, envy, spite, and cruelty determines so much of what humanity desires?Satan:
Well my ancient adversaries long ago declared that the "peace of God surpasseth all understanding." so also the endless gratification of evil.CanSpeccy:
Hm, well, I suppose what we are unable to understand is not something we should long delay in attempting to grasp, but tell me what you see as the chief obstacles to making mankind happy.Satan:
Well obviously all that rubbish about seeing no evil, hearing no evil and speaking no evil. Then there are the specific so-called moral codes. You know that fellow Moses sold a lot of codswallop about not lying, stealing, envying, fornicating or, murdering, etc. How in Hell's name is anyone to get any satisfaction out of that kill-joy mentality.CanSpeccy:
No, that's why we promoted the development of movies, television, advertising, Internet porn and the dark Web.
But by indulging in what the adherents of God call sin, people surely create much greater suffering than happiness?Satan:
That's a case of who and whom. Who experiences the happiness? To whom the pain? No, given man's nature, pleasure without cruelty is largely impossible. So the greater the suffering the greater the happiness too.CanSpeccy:
But you said at the outset that your objective was to render mankind happy, but what you are saying clearly indicates that you seek to render only some happy while others suffer appallingly as a consequence.Satan:
Well that's just how the world works. I didn't make it that way. God did. It's God's world, and in that world happiness and even mere survival, depends on the triumph of strength over weakness. One of my chaps wrote about that, a rather dim Englishman named Darwin. But he was a good observer. he realized that the wages of sin, some sins anyhow, are eternal life, whereas payback for the love of God is an early death as a martyred saint.CanSpeccy:
OK, well those are profound thoughts to meditate upon. But tell me, when "the surly sullen bell gives warning to the world that I am fled from this vile world with vilest worms to dwell," what are my chances of Hell versus the joys or otherwise of Heaven?Satan:
Oh, your chances of Hell are excellent, so you can be sure of good company — all your friends, pretty certainly, plus a lot of colorful folk from the past, you know, Attila, Ivan the Terrible, Frederick the Great, Napoleon, plus some amazing newcomers, Adolf Hitler, for example, and Ol. Joe Stalin, Franklin Delano Roosevelt and, of course, Winston Churchill. As for today's miscreants, folks like George Dubya Bush and Prince Andrew, we're preparing a reception for them now.CanSpeccy:
You mentioned at the outset the obstacles to the happiness of mankind. What specific actions are you taking to eliminate those obstacles?Satan:
Ah, well that is the largest aspect of our program for the World and we are working on it through many powerful agencies and with the aid of many brilliant minds from all walks of life. For instance, in the entertainment field, we love John Cleese who argues that, in the matter of morality, folks should just "Work it out for themselves."
I love that, don't you? I mean, just imagine the stunned silence of the berobed crowd of ancient Israelites, surrounded by their flocks of sheep, as their leader, Moses, appears from the mist shrouding the mountain top. He's moving swiftly, unencumbered by tablets of stone, and as he approaches the crowd, he shouts:
Well son-of-a-bitch: there ain't no rules: lyin', thievin', stealin', coveting your neighbor's wife's ass, adultery, murder even, just go to it as you think fit.At which the Devil burst into a roar of laughter that must have been heard a block away, while emitting a largish cloud of smoke. And though I am ashamed to admit it, I could not help joining him in laughter.
Then, as I wiped from my eyes the tears due to both smoke and mirth, the Devil just dematerialized and I was left in thoughtful mood to ponder what I had just learned.
As I did so, I noticed that my coffee was now barely warm, and I felt a pang of anguish at the thought that for all eternity the options were either a spot in kill-joy Heaven in the absence of my friends, or the endless experience of something like the present world, but much hotter, more crowded and afflicted with endless wickedness.
But as a feeling of deep sadness swept over me, I beheld a vision: a vision of an angel in the form of an extraordinarily pretty young woman in a superbly styled red wool coat, her angelic nature evident by a slight transparency, so that I could see the lugubrious visage of a solitary patron seated immediately behind her lovely frame.
She smiled as if to invite the question that was already forming in my mind, and I blurted:
CanSpeccy:
"Good Grief" I said, as I struggled to frame a further question.
But as my mind spun, the vision faded, and I realized that my coffee was now as cold as the gust of wind that made the dry fallen leaves of the boulevard trees skitter along the sidewalk. It was time to leave, but as I walked home I was deeply puzzled. Had I hallucinated for the first time in my life? Had I experienced a psychotic episode? Or had I experienced an extraordinary revelation.
But then I took consolation from the fact that in dreams and hallucination have often been revealed great truths, from the poetry and art of William Blake to the mathematics of Srinivasa Ramanujan. And if, as Ralph Waldo Emerson supposed, the human mind is an inlet on the ocean of God's mind, then dreams and hallucinations may be excursions from the safe harbor of everyday reality upon that vast ocean of awareness beyond the scope of normal consciousness.
As I did so, I noticed that my coffee was now barely warm, and I felt a pang of anguish at the thought that for all eternity the options were either a spot in kill-joy Heaven in the absence of my friends, or the endless experience of something like the present world, but much hotter, more crowded and afflicted with endless wickedness.
But as a feeling of deep sadness swept over me, I beheld a vision: a vision of an angel in the form of an extraordinarily pretty young woman in a superbly styled red wool coat, her angelic nature evident by a slight transparency, so that I could see the lugubrious visage of a solitary patron seated immediately behind her lovely frame.
She smiled as if to invite the question that was already forming in my mind, and I blurted:
CanSpeccy:
Is that true? Are we really condemned to an eternity of heavenly boredom or the Hellishness of Hell?Angel:
Don't worry Speccy, there is no such risk because there is no such place as either Heaven or Hell.CanSpeccy:
You mean death really is the end?Angel:
Why do you think so? What is it that you wish preserved? Your body or your soul?CanSpeccy:
My soul, of course.Angel:
And of what, Speccy, is your soul composed?CanSpeccy:
Well of brains, I suppose, matter, atoms, whatever?Angel:
Exactly. And what happens to that matter when you life here on Earth ends?CanSpeccy:
Why, I suppose it returns whence it came. From dust to dust, ashes to ashes.Angel:
Yes, so the material of your soul rejoins the universal mind, which like your soul is made of dust, ashes, and vitalizing energy.
Remember Speccy what humanity has discovered. Wherever two particles of energy or matter are associated together, they remain for evermore entangled however far apart they may later be separated.
So it is with every particle in the universe, every one of which, as you know, emerged from out of the void, beginning with an infinitesimally small speck of matter or energy that exploded in the big bang, a process that continues to this day, fourteen billion years later.
Thus, from the outset until the present day, everything in the universe is instantaneously connected with everything else in the universe to create a universal mind: the mind of God.
"Good Grief" I said, as I struggled to frame a further question.
But as my mind spun, the vision faded, and I realized that my coffee was now as cold as the gust of wind that made the dry fallen leaves of the boulevard trees skitter along the sidewalk. It was time to leave, but as I walked home I was deeply puzzled. Had I hallucinated for the first time in my life? Had I experienced a psychotic episode? Or had I experienced an extraordinary revelation.
But then I took consolation from the fact that in dreams and hallucination have often been revealed great truths, from the poetry and art of William Blake to the mathematics of Srinivasa Ramanujan. And if, as Ralph Waldo Emerson supposed, the human mind is an inlet on the ocean of God's mind, then dreams and hallucinations may be excursions from the safe harbor of everyday reality upon that vast ocean of awareness beyond the scope of normal consciousness.
No comments:
Post a Comment