Today's Most Uninteresting News Headline

The day the stock market collapsed, US global hegemony ended, Trump's reelection prospects dived, and the Covid19 epidemic took off in both Britain and America, the Daily Caller had this headline:

Daily Caller: Lindsey Graham Tests Negative For Coronavirus

MEANTIME:

Guardian: UK coronavirus crisis 'to last until spring 2021 and could see 7.9m hospitalised'

WSJ: People Fleeing Coronavirus Head to a New Safe Haven: China

IWB: MAJOR ECONOMIC DEPRESSION AHEAD? Global Oil Demand To Fall Drastically

IWB: Panicked Fed Slashes Rates to Near 0%, Throws $700 Billion QE on Top, after $1.5 Trillion Shock-and-Awe Repos Fizzled. Stock Futures Plunge 5%, Hit Limit Down