Are You a Mispronunciation Moron?

Over at the Unz Review, a strange concoction of anti-Semitism, Hitler apologetics, racism and IQ-ist fake science, the latest in the promotion of IQ bollocks is the claim that the way you pronounce a few dozen English words pretty well defines you intellectually.

The idea seems more bonkers than most of what Ron Unz publishes since, in Britain at least, pronunciation is chiefly a matter of social class and regional affiliation.

Thus, if you are very high class indeed, you will quite likely pronounce girl as gel.

If you're a graduate of Oxford University, you will pronounce Oxford as Awksfud, off as awf, and Magdalen College as Maudlin College (It's as though they're constantly sucking in their cheeks.).

 If you are from Glasgow, you may pronounce football, as fitbah.

If you are from the English Midlands, you will pronounce the city of Leicester, Lester, and the town of Bicester, Bister.

If you are from one of the more prosperous parts of London, you will pronounce Cardigan Gardens as Caduggan Gardens.

And if you are from certain parts of East London, you will pronounce Heathrow Airport as Eefro Airpor!.

And if your friend is named Mainwaring, he most likely pronounces it Mannering, whereas, if his name is Meagher he probably introduces himself as Marr. However, there can be some flexibility in the pronunciation of names. Thus, when the First World War era politician and crook, Horatio Bottomly, called upon Lord Cholmondley, the conversation with the butler who answered the door went as follows:

Bottomly: My name's Bottomly, I've come to see Lord Chol-mond-ly
Butler: Do you mean Lord Chumley
Bottomly: Yes, tell Lord Chumley it's Mr. Bumley.

But I suppose there is something to be said forUnz promoting this IQ-ist this nonsense. It helps expose the absurdity of the idea that non-entities with a bachelor's degree in Psych. are qualified to assess the intelligence of their mental superiors from Isaac Newton and J.S. Bach to Alan Turing and Richard Feynman: a claim that seems particularly absurd, as these self-proclaimed experts haven't even a decent theory of what intelligence is. All they have, beside the word pronunciation test and other wacky schemes to pigeon-hole you, are a few simple tests of reasoning, verbal, numerical, and diagrammatic, results of which naturally enough correlate moderately well with academic performance, although not quite as well, according to IQ specialist Richard Lynn, as traditional subject-based exams. And, happily for those like Winston Churchill, Prime Minister, victorious war leader, Nobel Laureate in Literature, who languished at the bottom of the class during his school days, neither IQ tests nor exams, let alone pronunciation predict future academic achievement, income, or career success to any useful degree. What such tests may show, is if you are a complete moron, which was the sole purpose of the original intelligence test, that devised by Alfred Binet.